Inside the household
Where the broader topic of kinship deals with clans, descent and alliances, family dynamics concerns something closer: how the people in a household related to each other day to day. Who made decisions, who did which tasks, how parents and children, spouses and grandparents interacted. This article summarizes what published sources say about Apache households, mainly for the period before and during early reservation life, and then turns to the present.
A few cautions apply. The sources are largely the work of outside observers, with the limitations that implies, and they describe specific groups, such as the Western Apache, Chiricahua and Mescalero, more thoroughly than others. The Apache nations differ from each other, and individual families always differed too. These notes are general background and do not describe any real family.
A household of related women and their families
In many Apache groups described in the historical record, the core of a household was a woman, her husband, their unmarried children, and often her married daughters with their husbands and children. Dwellings stood close together, and in the wickiup-style camps used by many groups, a household cluster might be several dwellings built and managed by the women of a family. For more on housing forms, see the topic of Apache wickiup and tipi homes, noting that tipis were used by some eastern groups much more than others.
This pattern is linked with matrilocal residence, in which couples live near the wife’s family. Within it, women had substantial standing: they owned and managed the dwelling and its contents, controlled stored foods, and had a strong voice in family decisions. The overall subject of women in Apache society, including their varied roles, is covered more fully elsewhere, and the family is where much of that influence was exercised.
Tasks and responsibilities
Work was divided, though flexibly, by gender and age. In the descriptions of earlier generations:
- Women commonly gathered and prepared plant foods, cared for young children, made and maintained dwellings, and produced items such as baskets and clothing from hide and plant materials.
- Men commonly hunted, took part in raiding and defense where it was part of group life, and built or provided what was needed for ceremonies or travel. Men’s roles in farming varied by group, since farming was more significant among the Western Apache than among many others.
- Children had tasks suited to their age, such as carrying water, gathering wood and helping with younger siblings, and learned skills by watching and participating.
It would be wrong to read this division as strict or as a ranking of worth. Accounts emphasize that the work of each person was necessary to the family, and that the division was practical. People also stepped into one another’s tasks as needed. Debates about words like “patriarchal” or “warrior” for Apache society often overlook the central place of the household economy.
Parents, children and teaching
Apache child-rearing is described as patient, relying heavily on stories, example and the involvement of many relatives. Grandparents and other older relatives had large teaching roles. Discipline in many accounts leaned on encouragement and on the oversight of a wider group of relatives rather than on a single parent, and the child was surrounded by adults who shared responsibility for guidance. The subject of Apache children upbringing covers this in more depth, and the role of older relatives as teachers has its own article within this cluster.
Husbands, wives and in-laws
A marriage joined two families, and relations with in-laws mattered as much as the relationship between the couple. Respect customs between certain in-laws are documented for several groups, as noted in the companion article on kinship roles. Within the couple, accounts describe a partnership in which each had spheres of authority. Separation was possible in many groups, and its handling varied. Details differ so much between sources that it is wisest to avoid broad statements about marriage practice.
Disagreements and decisions
Households were embedded in a larger network of relatives, and difficulties were typically brought to older family members for advice. Decisions affecting the whole family, such as moving camp, were usually made after discussion, with the views of experienced people carrying weight. This fits with the general account of Apache leadership as depending on persuasion and respect, not command.
Families today
Apache families now live in a wide range of circumstances: on reservations, in nearby towns and in cities across the country. Many households include several generations, with grandparents helping to raise children, while others are smaller and more like typical American nuclear households. Wage work, school schedules, housing, health care and the loss of speakers of Apache languages all affect family life. Many families place importance on keeping ties with relatives, on attending family and community events, and on passing on language and customs.
These changes follow a difficult history. Removals, imprisonment, boarding schools and other policies separated families, and their effects have lasted. Accounts from within communities describe both the injuries and the rebuilding. For current information on programs supporting families, consult the official websites of the individual nations.